Shayas in Shanghai

I would like to buy a vowel please.

Nihao! That is hello in Mandarin. On Friday I began my Chinese tutoring lessons. I am being tutored by Linda Zheng with my new friend (they are all new friends), Pazit, from Israel. This language makes impressive use of vowels! Here is the basic structure of the Chinese language and why it is, indeed, a very difficult language to learn:

There are three parts of a word to learn - the initials, the finals, and the tone. There are 21 initials (think consonants). So far, so good. A few differences from the English sound for various letters, but easily learned. The finals - which are vowels and combinations of vowels - are where the Chinese language becomes challenging. There are 38 finals! 38!!!! Each with their own sound! Then to top it off, once you can pronounce the word, you must still use the correct tone, of which there are four. So the same combination of initials and finals can yield different results depending on whether you say it flat, rising, down then up, or aggressively.  I would liken this to our syllable emphasis, except with more importance because the meaning of the word actually changes. Wish me luck!

Speaking of language, I would like to pass on this story about the English language. For some reason, the last few weeks/months before we left the US the kids had some fascination with referencing swear words. Not saying them, just referencing them. As in: the "h" word is bad to say; so is the "s" word, or the "b" word; and is there an "n" word? Max, with two older siblings, is of course party to these conversations well before his time. I have had the occasional moment of sheer frustration during these early days in Shanghai and have sprinkled the house with the random "s" word. One day, thinking I was alone, I let the "f" one slip. I turned to see Max standing nearby, eyes wide. He scurried off. As I came down the stairs I heard Max desperately trying to get Zach's attention as he whispered "Zach! Zach! I know what the "f" word is!"  So, here's to learning a few more Chinese words!

 

 

I give up!!

Can you see it? Is there a picture up there? A picture of the kids in their school uniforms? If I could only tell you how much time and energy I have put into trying to get this picture posted. I even wrote an entire blog entry, which seemingly never made it because the picture wouldn't go through. Anyway, so picture this:  Navy blue shorts (skirt for Sarah) and crisp short sleeved button down finely pinstriped blue/white shirts; white socks and black leather shoes. Sarah came downstairs the first day of school and said "I look like a flight attendant." She was right. She did. But they were very cute flight attendants! I bemoaned the whole uniform thing at first, but now that I see how it eliminates fights over what to wear in the morning, I am a convert.

So here is school thus far in Shanghai. Every morning I must take the kid's temperature. I then record it on a sheet of paper which the kids present at the front gate upon arrival to school. Awaiting the receipt of the sheet of paper is the school nurse, thermometer in hand in case anyone arrives sans sheet, and the security guard with the big Purell bottle. He squirts some into each child's hands. At least we start the day out germ free!

Kids apparently do not have playdates during the week here. Partly because of the transportation issue. Most expat families are like ours - one car w/driver. The driver needs to be on his way back to Puxi (other side of the Huang River) by 5:30 or 6:00ish for a grueling hour-and-a-half trip to pick up Jeff from work. There are many, many taxis, but not something suitable for children to travel in regularly. They are dirty, no seatbelts, smoke filled, and the driver may or may not be a crazy man on the road! The other reason for no weekday playdates is the huge amount of homework. This is a bit of a shock to the kid's system. Zach, who is homework resistant to begin with, is particularly shell-shocked by this fact.

Even so, the kids seem to love school. Sarah really loves it. She even wishes she could go through the weekend. She comes home and sits right down and plows through her homework. Its an amazing sight. Zach likes school if it were not for the homework. And Max is making that typical first grade adjustment to academia all day, every day. I remind myself that he would have the same adjustment issues back home the first month of school and that he will survive.

 

Can you hear me now???

Hello my faithful friends and family! I have not forgotten about you - nor have I been short any interesting tidbits to pass along. In fact, I have some really cool pictures to share with you if I could only work my way through the myriad of technical difficulties in our new home.

Let's start with cell phones. I have a nifty new phone (those of you that have one of the cards I had printed prior to our departure know that I had my new phone number weeks ago). The problem is, there is no cell phone signal within our housing complex. None. Zippo. Zilch. This seems to be an accepted situation among the residents here, but Jeff has charged forward and has China Mobile investigating. We may be the millionth person to have done so, and the answer may be "sorry, no can fix." but at least we feel like we are doing something - trying.

Then there is internet. We are supposed to have wireless in our house, but thus far, that doesn't seem to work. So we plug in with the cable. Then.......... it ......... moves......... really .......................slooooooooow. It took me about 15 minutes to get to the "compose" page on this website. And attempting to load pictures to share - thus far impossible.

The good news is Jeff is now home for the weekend and I have faith that if it is fixable, he can do it (among the many benefits of being married to an electronics/software engineer!)

Today we go in search of a trampoline. I attempted this the other day on my own. Went to the Metro Store (kind of like Costco, but not) where I was told they sold trampolines. After not finding it on my own I approached a clerk and asked. There were five clerks listening in, none of whom spoke english, so I began to play charades. I was jumping up and down - gesturing BIG, tall, jumpy moves. Ah! The group nods. Then three of them (really? We need three people for this?) begin to walk me through the store. They take me to ..... the water balloons! I ponder the inefficiencies of so many employees engaged in this interaction. This seems to be the norm. Never does one person 'help' - always two or three. My innate american manager cries "Get back to work!" But I realize, this is how it is here. There are soooo many people. Thus, many employees and much time to fill. After all, what exactly do 1.3 billion people do to keep busy every day???

The Time Traveler's Life

"Do we give up?" This is what Max asks me every morning as I make the decision on whether it will be possible to sleep any longer. Today we made it to 5 a.m. which is progress from the last few days of 4 a.m. wakings. Some of this is the shifting time zones. But I think it also has something to do with the sunrise/sunset times. It is light outside at 5 a.m. and full darkness by 7 p.m. - in the midst of summer! Now imagine this: ALL of China is on the same time. That is like New York and LA being on the same time. So in west China the sun rises somewhere around 8 or 9 a.m. and sets at 10 or 11 p.m.! Try to get your kids to sleep over there!!!  Here, we are falling asleep early.  Last night I lasted until 8:15 p.m. 

I am learning that even the simplest of tasks takes a long time to accomplish. Gone are the days of dashing up to Kroger to pick up a few things. I realize I will become more efficient as I figure out where to buy what, but for now I am resigned to standing in front of a bunch of colorful packages trying to decipher from the pictures if this particular item is meant to clean clothes, dishes, or toilets. I purchase something called 'laundry sanitizer' the other day, thinking it was laundry detergent. There were, after all, pictures of bright, clean clothes boasted on the back of the bottle. However, when no suds or bubbles appeared during the wash cycle, I rethought. I then bought something that actually had the word "detergent" somewhere in small print among the Chinese characters. So now I am using both detergent and sanitizer in my loads of laundry. I'm thinking that sanitization sounds good considering the water quality here???  Of course, there is the issue of working the actual washer and dryer which is all in Chinese so I am literally pressing buttons and staring and hoping I am putting my clothes through the wash cycle - which seems to take, like, 90 minutes. The dryer seems to take even longer - which explains the many racks for hanging clothes to dry...

The kids start school tomorrow. We have to attend three orientations - one for each kid - prior to the start of school. All three kids attend each of these orientations with me which are (based on the one we went to yesterday) quite boring, but necessary nonetheless. At this point, I am longing for a Quarton curriculum night. Nostalgia has a way of working like that. I think the kids are as ready to start school as I am. They are getting a little stir crazy doing all this running around with me. Soon I must get their gymnastics classes found and set - to exert all this extra manic energy!!!

On a slow boat to China.

For once this phrase literally applies to me! Well, not me exactly as I will be on a fast plane to China (bypassing Typhoon Markolot hopefully), but the container with our beloved pictures, books, artwork, clothes, etc. is clearly going to be on the slow boat to China. As I said this statement out loud I became curious as to its origins. Thought I would share it with you:

Originally, this term was used in poker games. Card sharks referred to someone who lost slowly and steadily as a "slow boat to China". The implication being that a patient player could ride the victim all the way to the bottom of his pocket book. In the late 1940's a Broadway composer by the name of Frank Loesser used the slang term slightly differently. He wrong a love song which contained the phrase:  I'd love to get you on a slow boat to China, all by myself alone.

 Frank's song highlights the truth that a trip to China by boat is about as long and slow a trip as one can take. I suspect about the time we begin to reach the depths of homesickness and maladjustment that our shipment will arrive and we will embrace the familiarity of our belongings.

As we prepare to board the plane to Shanghai, I want to wish you all well and to thank you for your outpouring of love and support. We are truly blessed to have such amazing people in our lives. So, keep in touch and we shall all pick back up upon our return!

"There is no such thing as a random communication."

I am haunted by this statement made by Monica - our cultural trainer. Let's first discuss context. This statement uttered by Dr. Hansen at Oakland University within the walls of a classroom discussion about psychodynamic principles is absolutely true. Within the context of the therapeutic setting, I subscribe to the belief that everything that is uttered holds meaning - not necessarily conscious meaning, but meaning nonetheless.

However, outside those walls we Americans operate differently. In our day-to-day lives we engage in small talk and social banter which is sometimes meant to deliver depth and meaning, but just as often used purely for entertainment and social contact.

Here is what Monica meant. We were doing a role play to illustrate the importance of communication in the Chinese culture. It went like this: You and Fei (your Chinese HR manager) are walking back to the office from lunch. You have a friend who is an admissions officer at the American International School. Fei says "I've been trying a long time to get my child into the American International School. It's just so hard to even talk with the principal." How do you respond?

Go ahead. Take time to think - don't just jump down and read the answer! Meanwhile, enjoy this picture of the streets of Shanghai just a few blocks from Old Town.

 

Did you say you would Fei if she would like me to speak to my friend, the admissions officer? Large buzzer sounds.    Apparently, if you did, Fei would decline. Within Fei's statement was the implicit knowledge that she both knew of your friend at the school and that you are expected to do something to fix her situation. To ask her directly would be defacing. The Chinese (we are told) do not ask for favors or help. In fact, that Fei had to tell you of her difficulties already implies that you were not effectively operating within the rules of guanxi, which is the big picture of how all relationships are interconnected. The personal and professional are one and the same.

As someone who, even in the American culture, is considered rather direct and who appreciates a good clarification from others so I am sure I know what they are intending to tell me or ask me...I find this news of implied requests, hints, and no's that don't really mean no to be rather unsettling.

Consider this scenario:  A Chinese friend arrives at your home and you offer her something to drink. She declines. You should...get her something to drink anyway!  UGH.

Stimulating the Michigan economy!

Everytime I think I'm done shopping, I find myself in another store. Yesterday Jeff and I went to Costco. Considering we were buying no food, I presumed it would be a reasonable trip. However, I am proud to tell you that we broke our personal Costco record. We needed assistance getting our goods to the car as there was only two of us and we had one flatbed and two push carts. People were staring - really staring! 

The highlight of the excursion was by far the end when, as we reached the woman at the exit who checks your goods against your receipt, she enthusiastically embraced Jeff and said "You deserve a hug! Thank you for keeping Costco in business!" She then came to me and embraced me saying that we should get the customer of the year award!

Even so, I'm pretty sure we forgot something...

The importance of the designated drinker.

Jeff and I underwent 10 hours of cultural training this week. Admittedly, this was an important step in our preparation to move. However, carving out this amount of time at this point in the purging/sorting/moving prep created its own stress. Jeff got off a flight from Shanghai on Friday morning, drove home, and an hour later our cultural trainer, Monica, arrived at our door. You all know how much Jeff likes sitting still, let alone doing it for four hours after a 14 hour flight! Monica could not have been more flexible and easy going, and she was clearly accustomed to people in our state of chaos.

We covered a tremendous amount of material during our two days with Monica including:

• Understanding cultural differences between Americans and Chinese (and the roots of those differences).
• Culture shock.
• Communication and context (or "what do they really mean when they say ___?"
• History and geography (where to vacation!)
• Religion/lack of; confucius and dao
• Gifting
• Chinese language and education
• Chinese core values
• US-China relations
• Banqueting

Banqueting was perhaps the most interesting topic, complete with seating charts and order/content of required toasts. Banqueting is a critical aspect of doing business in China and an important element of this tradition is copious amounts of alcohol. Apparently, one must achieve a public drunken state when cultivating business relationships in order to achieve a level of trust and familiarity. Wow. So, then, I quickly ask (as I experience gratitude for being the spouse and not the working partner in this scenario) what does the non-drinker do? Perhaps as payback for all the years I have been the designated driver, I now need to seek out some select friends who will act as my designated drinker! Yes, it is ok to not drink, but then one must make sure they take with them someone who will do the drinking for them! That, and the ability to divert attention from your declination of alcohol by telling a few good jokes or stories. I am sure Zach can help me out in the joke department? Get it??