I am haunted by this statement made by Monica - our cultural trainer. Let's first discuss context. This statement uttered by Dr. Hansen at Oakland University within the walls of a classroom discussion about psychodynamic principles is absolutely true. Within the context of the therapeutic setting, I subscribe to the belief that everything that is uttered holds meaning - not necessarily conscious meaning, but meaning nonetheless.
However, outside those walls we Americans operate differently. In our day-to-day lives we engage in small talk and social banter which is sometimes meant to deliver depth and meaning, but just as often used purely for entertainment and social contact.
Here is what Monica meant. We were doing a role play to illustrate the importance of communication in the Chinese culture. It went like this: You and Fei (your Chinese HR manager) are walking back to the office from lunch. You have a friend who is an admissions officer at the American International School. Fei says "I've been trying a long time to get my child into the American International School. It's just so hard to even talk with the principal." How do you respond?
Go ahead. Take time to think - don't just jump down and read the answer! Meanwhile, enjoy this picture of the streets of Shanghai just a few blocks from Old Town.
Did you say you would Fei if she would like me to speak to my friend, the admissions officer? Large buzzer sounds. Apparently, if you did, Fei would decline. Within Fei's statement was the implicit knowledge that she both knew of your friend at the school and that you are expected to do something to fix her situation. To ask her directly would be defacing. The Chinese (we are told) do not ask for favors or help. In fact, that Fei had to tell you of her difficulties already implies that you were not effectively operating within the rules of guanxi, which is the big picture of how all relationships are interconnected. The personal and professional are one and the same.
As someone who, even in the American culture, is considered rather direct and who appreciates a good clarification from others so I am sure I know what they are intending to tell me or ask me...I find this news of implied requests, hints, and no's that don't really mean no to be rather unsettling.
Consider this scenario: A Chinese friend arrives at your home and you offer her something to drink. She declines. You should...get her something to drink anyway! UGH.
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