We are fast approaching Jeff's favorite day of the year: Thanksgiving. More precisely, it is his favorite four days of the year. It has historically been the best attended Shaya event (with the exception of weddings) each year. The three non-Detroit area Shaya boys come to town with their growing families and Carole's home becomes non-stop fun and chaos. It has been just over a decade since the first Shaya grandchild arrived and now there are 12 of those cute little critters! There are generally a few extra folks: parents of one of the sister-in-laws, au pairs, extended family, and random friends. There are two turkeys, one baked, the other deep-fried (if you haven't tried this, you must!) Each year we get better with the side dishes. The day after Thanksgiving Carole rents the small ice rink in Birmingham and we all go skating and then eat pizza. The Shaya boys attempt to regain their youth by playing a grueling game of football. Someone always comes home injured. Throughout the long weekend there are board games, fort building, butter making, guitar playing, karaoke singing, shopping, creative leftovers, and drag racing with the little electric cars.
If I sound nostalgic, it is because this - more than any other time of the year - we wish we could be in Michigan. This, more than any other holiday, says "family" to us. I have been asked numerous times what we will do for Thanksgiving. We could go to one of the hotels for their Thanksgiving feast, or I could spend a zillion dollars on an imported turkey and accompaniments. But its really not about the food, is it?
So while I reach this 3-month relocation slump, where the excitement of the move and the newness of our international life gives way to the reality that this is it, I have decided that Thanksgiving provides the perfect message for getting through the slump.
There is this truth about China that smacks you in the face every day, all day long, and that is: most of the people here are very poor. Its not hidden. It can't be. It is too pervasive. There is a shameful, self-consciousness that washes over me when I hand my ayi more money than she makes in 3 weeks for payment of our electricity bill, or when I toss the long green leek leaves in the garbage, having used only the best part of the bulb in my recipe, and she retrieves it and takes it home with her. There are men, maimed and disfigured, begging outside the Starbucks and I am told that I should not give them money. I asked my Chinese teacher about this - as I always do when fellow expats tell me things like this - and she confirms that these men have been purposely maimed by gangs who place them on the streets to beg for money, none of which they will get to keep. I saw this scene in the movie "Slumdog Millionaire". It was shocking then, but now, I see real people.
It can really weigh you down if you look too close. So I am told that I must embrace the benefits of living here: the inexpensive massages, tailors, jewelry markets; the opportunities to travel throughout Asia. Those things are great, and I have been enjoying them. But there is something more important that I hope to achieve.
So on this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the many amazing people - family and friends - who I am lucky to have in my life and who I care about deeply enough to miss so much it hurts. This is the experience of a lifetime and I thank all of you for supporting us in this journey. But in the end, there's no place like home.
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