Shayas in Shanghai

What Expat Wives Do In Shanghai...

Here is a recent weekly AWCS (American Women's Club Shanghai) list of events/classes (and I am not kidding):

 

-Sushi Making Class - Hand Rolls

-Pearl Necklaces - Beginners

-Flower Arrangement Workshop

-Elegant Evening Make-up

-Ladies Night Out

-Shanghai Museum Tour-Chinese Bronze Arts 

-Chinese Knots for Gift Wrapping

-Shanghai Shopping Tour

-Knitting/Crocheting for Charity

-Color Analysis

 

I don't mean to disparage the fun of these creative ventures - I have been known to take a hula class during Hawaii vacations - but a steady diet of this stuff is more than any woman could take without losing her mind (Martha Stewart's of the world excepted).

 

Before we came to Shanghai, Jeff and I received 8 hours of cultural orientation. Prior to the orientation we were each asked to complete a questionnaire. I don't know what Jeff's questionnaire asked, but I am fairly certain it was different from mine. My questionnaire posed the following:

• How do you currently spend your leisure time?
• What do you plan to do with your time while in Shanghai?
• Do you have specific hobbies/interests which you intend to pursue?
• What are your expectations of your move to Shanghai?

There were many more questions, but they were along the same lines. I inferred that the questions were designed to get the trailing spouse thinking and planning what to do to make the experience fulfilling for her. After all, it is by and large the wife that is the wild card on whether or not the international assignment is a successful one. The husband (sorry to sound so sexist in the blog, but this really is all I see here) is buried in his work, the kids are consumed by school, and the wife/mom is left to figure out how to navigate the daily routines without feeling too isolated and purposeless.

I was fortunate to have a healthy list of "things I want to do while in Shanghai" and did not feel as though I had lost myself. Even so, our shipment and hence the start of my professional life in Shanghai, came right about the time I was feeling like "Really? This is it?"

Back home, even though I knew a lot of women whose husbands worked many hours, I didn't know anyone whose husband worked like Jeff does. Over here, they all do. Only many of the women are adjusting to that kind of absence for the first time. I am so used to it, it is a non-event. Another reason to feel fortunate. 

 

What I am learning is that this community of women are a wealth of information. Recently, I was at a soccer practice and sitting nearby was an Austrailian woman. We partook in the standard exchange of information: Where are you from? How long have you been in Shanghai? Is this your first expat assignment? Where are your kids in school? Where have you traveled thus far?    All this before we exchange names, if we ever exchange names.  I told my Aussie acquaintance that we were planning on going to Cambodia and/or Vietnam over the Xmas break and were still ironing out the itinerary. Aussie had just been to Cambodia and so proceeded to talk, for 45 minutes straight with nary a prompt from me, about the details of her trip.  This, too, is common. Not the subject matter, but the taitai who is seemingly so starved for conversation that she goes on and on. And while I sat there smiling and nodding, I had to remind myself that this was indeed very good information she was giving me.

 

Lonely Planet Guides are great to have as a reference, but I don't plan to take any Asian trips without getting the skinny from my fellow expat wives.

Street Markets

There is always an element of surprise here in Shanghai. One never knows what shopping opportunities will be presented as vendors ride their bike-drawn carts into the city and park on the street or sidewalk for the day. There is a stretch of shops near our home - we pass it on our way to and from Sunday school - outside of which many vendors park throughout the week, and even moreso on Sundays. So here is a group of pictures to help you understand what goodies await.

 

This is the plant store. It stays put throughout the week.

Here is the long view of the row of vendors (close ups to follow). Look closely just below the blue truck bed. There is a stand with a bunch of chickens and ducks - live ones - for sale. They aren't pets, they're dinner. I've seen people buy them and then walk home with one holding it by the neck. Sometimes they let the vendor take care of de-feathering (and de-life-ing, I guess). I was able to get pics of most of the vendors, but not the poultry guys. There were two different poultry stands and both guys stood in front of their birds and shook their head no. There are some things China just does not want the world to see. I didn't push it as I have heard of people losing their camera in similar circumstances.

The vegetable guy.

Toys for sale.

Socks anyone? You can also buy purses, jewelry, books, and dvd's at stands like these. And again, all these things get to their selling locations by bicycle. Hard life.   
 

Zach's Moment of Fame

Yew Chung International School, like many schools, has a character education component in its curriculum. This month's character education focus was on Truthfulness.

I am proud to tell you that Zachary received the Truthfulness award for his class. (Qualifications did not include truthfully answering your mom when she asks "Did you brush your teeth?")

Giving Thanks.

We are fast approaching Jeff's favorite day of the year:  Thanksgiving.  More precisely, it is his favorite four days of the year. It has historically been the best attended Shaya event (with the exception of weddings) each year. The three non-Detroit area Shaya boys come to town with their growing families and Carole's home becomes non-stop fun and chaos. It has been just over a decade since the first Shaya grandchild arrived and now there are 12 of those cute little critters! There are generally a few extra folks: parents of one of the sister-in-laws, au pairs, extended family, and random friends. There are two turkeys, one baked, the other deep-fried (if you haven't tried this, you must!) Each year we get better with the side dishes. The day after Thanksgiving Carole rents the small ice rink in Birmingham and we all go skating and then eat pizza. The Shaya boys attempt to regain their youth by playing a grueling game of football. Someone always comes home injured. Throughout the long weekend there are board games, fort building, butter making, guitar playing, karaoke singing, shopping, creative leftovers, and drag racing with the little electric cars.

If I sound nostalgic, it is because this - more than any other time of the year - we wish we could be in Michigan. This, more than any other holiday, says "family" to us. I have been asked numerous times what we will do for Thanksgiving. We could go to one of the hotels for their Thanksgiving feast, or I could spend a zillion dollars on an imported turkey and accompaniments. But its really not about the food, is it?

So while I reach this 3-month relocation slump, where the excitement of the move and the newness of our international life gives way to the reality that this is it, I have decided that Thanksgiving provides the perfect message for getting through the slump.

There is this truth about China that smacks you in the face every day, all day long, and that is: most of the people here are very poor. Its not hidden. It can't be. It is too pervasive. There is a shameful, self-consciousness that washes over me when I hand my ayi more money than she makes in 3 weeks for payment of our electricity bill, or when I toss the long green leek leaves in the garbage, having used only the best part of the bulb in my recipe, and she retrieves it and takes it home with her. There are men, maimed and disfigured, begging outside the Starbucks and I am told that I should not give them money. I asked my Chinese teacher about this - as I always do when fellow expats tell me things like this - and she confirms that these men have been purposely maimed by gangs who place them on the streets to beg for money, none of which they will get to keep. I saw this scene in the movie "Slumdog Millionaire". It was shocking then, but now, I see real people.

It can really weigh you down if you look too close. So I am told that I must embrace the benefits of living here: the inexpensive massages, tailors, jewelry markets; the opportunities to travel throughout Asia. Those things are great, and I have been enjoying them. But there is something more important that I hope to achieve.

So on this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the many amazing people - family and friends - who I am lucky to have in my life and who I care about deeply enough to miss so much it hurts. This is the experience of a lifetime and I thank all of you for supporting us in this journey. But in the end, there's no place like home.

Know thy audience.

Today I was physically closer to President Obama than I have ever been - just had to go half-way around the world to do it! The President made his debut visit to China this week. Even if I hadn't heard this via news sources, I would have known because several Chinese locals told me so. More than once upon discovering that I was "Meigouren" (American) a "Zhonggouren" smiled and said "Obama! Come Shanghai!" So I knew, and then I forgot.

This morning, after my Chinese lesson, I hopped in the car to go to the underground market (affectionately known as the fake market) which is just a stone's throw away from, and perhaps even beneath, the Science and Technology Museum.  Just four days ago the kids and I spent the afternoon in this very museum, scoping it out for Obama. Anyway, as I arrived near the entrance to the market I saw all the streets and drives cordoned off with police everywhere. And then I remembered. "Obama!" I said to my driver. "Obama!" my driver said back. (Fascinating how entire conversations happen with just a few simple words given our mutual disfluency in each other's language.) Not one to give up easily, I asked my driver to go talk to the police and see if I could walk past the barricade and to the market entrance. No go, not surprisingly. I began to wonder just how far the access had been blocked. From the S & T museum, one can easily enter the market. And inside the market is the entrance to the subway line. Did the whole town shut down?

So, yes - Obama came to Shanghai and he went to a museum very close to where we live and by which Sarah and Zach's school bus drives everyday. And then I read this article posted via AP:

http://news.aol.com/article/obamas-first-visit-to-china/767596?cid=12

and the headline is:  "Obama Presses for Freedoms in China: President Says Country Should Stop Censoring Internet Access".

And I wonder... Really??  What a great idea - I am so surprised nobody has thought to bring this to the Chinese governments attention.  This select paragraph, from Obama's speech to the young chldren in the audience, says it all:

"I think that the more freely information flows, the stronger the society becomes, because then citizens of countries around the world can hold their own governments accountable," Obama said Monday in a town hall with students during his first-ever trip to China. "They can begin to think for themselves."

 

The citizens can hold their government accountable. The citizens can begin to think for themselves. I haven't been here long, but I am pretty sure the government here will not be saving that speech in their archives.    I miss YouTube.

A Star is Born!

One of the fun things for expat kids to do in Shanghai is modeling. I became aware of this when I was here on the house-hunting trip in July. There are numerous children's clothing manufacturers that want Western-looking kids for their clothing catalogs. So one day I was on my way back from the pool with the kids. We stopped to sit in front of the clubhouse so I could make a phone call (since my cell phone doesn't work at home). A group of people approached and were hanging out near where I sat and where the kids were running around. I eventually figured out they were waiting to talk to me, so I finished my phone call and gave them my attention.  One man introduced himself and his group. He was a photographer and he asked if my children would be willing to be photographed. He showed me his portfolio of kids of various ages, some of whom I recognized as kids in the neighborhood. He also showed me several categories which he had produced. I asked the kids what they thought. The boys were unimpressed, but smiled for the camera. Sarah, of course, was willing and ready!

On Saturday Sarah had her first modeling job with Victor. She was a little nervous at first, but her learning curve was swift. She spent an hour-and-a-half and made 450RMB (That is about $70)! Here is a brief pictorial:

Sarah with the make-up guy...

 
In between shots the make-up guy ran in and played with her hair. By now, she is loving it.

And then Linda ran in and adjusted her clothes.

Sometimes it was Snoopy that needed adjusting.

Sarah's modeling partner.

Okay girls - look at each other, smile, pretend to be putting the flower in Sarah's hair - oops, make sure we can see the Snoopy label on the bottoms!

It's a wrap!! Now let's go home and get this make-up off!!!

Retail Therapy

The weather is shifting in Shanghai. It is now in the upper 40's to mid-50's (I don't know when I will be able to communicate or think in celsius) gray and rainy. We have not seen a blue sky in forever. I am told this is it for Shanghai until about April.

This, in combination with having reached the 3-month point in our relocation, has put all of us in a bit of a slump - commonly referred to as a Shang-low. You know, the excitement of a new place and the brain space occupied by figuring things out as given way to ... daily life. Each of the kids has separately expressed a desire to go back home in the past week. And several days ago, after having struggled with the complete inanity of our new health insurance provider coupled with the rigid chinese pharmaceutical restrictions, I texted Jeff "I want to go home. It is too bleep-bleep complicated here." 

And then a miracle happened here...

One of my new friends (they're all new friends) who whittles away an hour-and-a-half every week with me while our children bounce through their trampolining class invited me to join her and two of her friends on a jaunt to Puxi. The plan was to introduce me to the Pearl Market and enjoy lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. There are many taitais here who make a full-time job out of shopping. I am not one of them. I am more of a buyer than a shopper. And I have never, repeat never, enjoyed shopping with friends. So I have listened to the moms at drop off and pick up talking about the Fabric Market and the Pearl Market and how they have jewelry and clothes made for cheap, cheap prices and I can't figure out how I will ever muster up the energy or the style-sense to do the same. Nonetheless, I like my new friend Kim and looked forward to hanging with her minus the trampoline and the kids.

It was a long (well over an hour) and jerky drive to Hongqiao and by the time we arrived I was queasy and headachy. We entered the "Hongqiao Crafts Market" where, on the first floor is a big fake market - similar to, but smaller than the one near our home in Pudong. Riding the escalator up to the second floor we arrive in a huge open room with dozens and dozens (maybe hundreds) of small stalls with jewelry, pearls, beads, crystals, chains, etc. This does not help my queasiness.

As I stroll past a couple dozen stalls, I eventually stop to look more closely at some necklaces that caught my eye. Within 2 minutes I pull together a necklace, bracelet, and earring set that I like and ask the young woman behind the counter "yigong duoshao qian?" (altogether how much?) and she replies "80RMB" which is roughly $12. I am so shocked that I can get all this jewelry for so cheap that I forget that I could bargain her to an even lower price, so I just say yes! She takes a box out from behind the counter full of those cute little translucent pull-tie bags in a zillion colors and asks me to choose one. I ask for her card and her name. "Cassie" she tells me, "You come back, bring friends." I tell her I will. My queasiness is lifting.

Over the next hour or so I proceed to hone my jewelry purchasing skills. I learn that you don't need to buy things as is, but rather can use the displayed items as starting points, catalysts, ideas of what you want. You can see a bracelet and say "I want this, but in a different color." Then they make it, right then. You can ask them to add items, subtract items, make some matching earrings. You can take in a picture of something and ask them to "make that". Here is an example:

I saw four of these chokers and each of them had one color pearl throughout. There was a white pearl one, a green pearl one, etc. Then I saw the bracelet, which was the only piece that had multi-colored pearls, only I didn't like all the colors. I asked Cassie if she could change some of the colors. "No problem." I then asked why there were no necklaces that were multi-colored. "No problem. I make you one now." She took apart a few of her necklaces (which I learned are merely made to display the beads - everything is changeable) to get the right colored pearls and then in less than 1/2 hour, made me a completely new necklace and earrings - plus, she made an extra set just like it to display. This little gem set? 60RMB ($9) - I'm now a better customer and getting a better price.  I bought a third set from Cassie with a similar process. Then moved onto a few other stalls.

Having moved to intermediate level jewelry shopper I drifted past a stall, noticed some earrings I half-liked 'if only that second tier wasn't there', looked at the woman behind the counter and said "Can you please take this off?" She did and I bought them for 15RMB ($2). At the end of my shopping trip I had spent about $50 and acquired all this:

 
  More importantly, I had acquired a new attitude. 

Goodbye Shang-low, Hello Shanghai!!
 

Big Brother is Watching

A vivid example of the internet difficulties I often attempt to describe. Don't bother trying to click on the links - I am certain they did not transfer in this cut-and-paste job.

'World of Warcraft' (WoW) is painfully popular in China. So much so that, out of WoW's roughly 13 million subscribers, 4 million are in China -- almost a third of the company's customer base. Considering the large portion of revenue coming from the psuedo-communist country, WoW publisher ActivisionBlizzard, is probably having a mini freak-out right now as WoW has again been blocked by the Chinese government.

This isn't a first. In fact, the multiplayer online game was only relaunched in China this September, but internal quarrels (surprisingly, not censorship) have again shut it down. It seems that the General Administration of Press and Publication and the Ministry of Culture can't agree on whose jurisdiction WoW falls under, and until they either reach an solution (or battle to the death), China may not have access to WoW.

Of course, Chinese gamers are quite the dedicated and obsessive bunch (they even have a WoW-themed restaurant!) so we're sure they'll find a way around the blockade -- like logging into servers in neighboring Taiwan.

Based on the volume of cheap DVDs and video games, this will be a no-brainer for the Chinese!

Sarah in Xi'an

On Monday morning Sarah left with 35 of her classmates and 4 teachers/administrators for a 5-day trip to Xi'an just outside of Beijing (see 'The Demise of the Helicopter Parent'). All weekend Sarah was a little weepy saying she was going to miss us and did not think she could make it away from us for 5 days.  Monday early afternoon she texted to say they had landed in Beijing and that she was already having a great time. I had told her that each time she texted she should include a rating 1-10 of how much fun she was having. This first text:  8.5.  She texted later that evening to say they were getting ready to eat, again 8.5.

Tuesday came. Throughout the day Jeff would call me and ask "Any word?" and I would tell him no, and remind him that it was a good sign. He couldn't stand it, so he called her about 4 p.m.  Still no texts that day. Wednesday came. No texts. Finally I succumbed and texted Sarah mid-afternoon to say "You must be having a blast!" At 8 p.m. I received this response:   "Yeah. 8.8"

Luckily, the teaching team is sending daily emails with updates on the kids' activities - so I am going to attempt to share them with you. Here goes...

Day One:

Greetings from Xi’an!

The Year 7 EOTC trip kicked-off to a great start today. Excitement was in the air from the moment we left the school gates, but as we descended – through blue skies and bright sunshine – into the beautiful mountainous region surrounding Xi’an, the students really became animated!

Their energy was soon put to good-use: from the plane, our coach took us straight to a pottery workshop. The students produced some fantastic work (and generally fared far better than the teachers in this!) and great fun was had by all. From here, we drove into town for dinner, followed by a visit to the historical and spectacular Big Wild Goose Pagoda music and water show.  Finally, we settled into our hotel rooms for some well-deserved rest.  Lights were just turned-off on some tired but very happy faces and the general feeling is: ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow!’
 
Day Two:

Our second day in Xi'an has perhaps been even better than the first!

After a hearty breakfast at our hotel, we were on the road by 8am and en-route to our first destination: a fascinating mausoleum dating-back to the Tang Dynasty (I shall leave our budding Chinese history experts to provide you with more specific details on their return!) From the mausoleum, we drove straight to our afternoon appointment (lunching on the bus) where the students were taught to paint in the Huxian County Farmer’s style (photo attached). Finally, after dinner in town, we returned to the hotel to burn-off the last of any surplus energy in the swimming-pool, the gymnasium with Dusten ‘Termintor’ Kent or playing badminton and table-tennis (not simultaneously – despite some students’ best efforts!)

At just after 9pm now the students are making their way to their rooms for some well-earned rest ahead of our visit to the Terra Cotta Warriors tomorrow.

 

Day Three:

At the risk of sounding repetitive... another great day!

In many ways the focal point of the trip, today’s visit to the Terra Cotta Warriors surpassed expectations.  The site was spectacular and the students learned a lot from the educational film that preceded our viewing of the Warriors. After visiting the sites, students had an opportunity to barter with local vendors for Terra Cotta miniatures and other memorabilia – honing their skills ahead of our visit to the Muslim market tomorrow!

In the afternoon students worked-up an appetite with a hike up to another historic mausoleum, before dining on local specialities and finishing the day-off with a trip to the bowling alley. Tomorrow is probably our busiest day of the whole trip – ‘kicking-off’ with a visit to a Martial Arts school in the morning... Which means it is now well-past bed-time for teachers and parents alike!

 
While I was downloading these pictures, I received a phone call from Sarah - the first actual phone call. She was on the bus heading for the martial arts school. She was happy and full of stories (more about her interactions with the other kids than about the trip!), but said she was looking forward to coming home. Me too - ready for her to be home.

Only in China ...

Yesterday I accompanied the three Year Five (4th grade, so Zach's class) classes on a field trip. The kids have been studying Ancient Greece and its architectural influence. The purpose of the trip was to view various buildings and photograph, draw, and answer questions about what types of columns or patterns they view. We went to Puxi (other side of the river) and walked around The Bund which is the neighborhood right at the waterfront. This area houses many old buildings and historical sites.

  
 So picture this: We are strolling through the streets - the noisy, air-polluted, construction-filled streets - and we reach an intersection. The adults flank the kids, wait patiently for the green walk sign, look both ways, again and again, and then begin to usher the kids across the street. Dozens of little 9-year olds. The automobiles, moped drivers, and bikers smile and wait for us to pass........

No! That would be America, or Australia, or Germany, or Indonesia (as the kids from these various countries assured me), but not China. In China, the game of survival of the fittest continues as the cars and other travelers attempted to shove their way right through the middle of the group of kids. We adults, all women, were like honorary traffic cops yelling unmentionables in a variety of languages. Suddenly I am missing those annual Quarton field trips to the pumpkin patch.

After visiting a couple old buildings, we walked a few blocks to a quaint little park for lunch. This small, circular park offered a respite from the bustle happening just outside its walls. As we entered I saw numerous groupings of Chinese retirement-age-looking people. Some were doing taichi, some chatting, a big group was watching a few men play cards for money. The most interesting part of this park, though, was the dozens of small bird cages with little chirping birds sitting on benches and tables and hanging from trees.  The kids ran to look at the birds and the grumpy men quickly lowered the curtains down all four sides of the cages. Hmmm, I thought. Why can't the kids look at the birds? Are they worried the kids will scare them? I asked one of the teachers if the birds just stay in the park all the time, or if there was a shelter/shed they were placed in at night. She informed me that these birds were all pets and that this was a bird park! These retired folks walk their birds to the bird park where they can tweet away with their bird friends - while confined to their itty-bitty cages, of course.

  One parting note: A friend of mine went to the Shanghai Zoo recently. I asked her if it was worth a trip. She said it was a nice zoo, but a little odd. "How so?" I asked.  "Because they have dogs there - in cages."  Those wild animals!