What Expat Wives Do In Shanghai...

Here is a recent weekly AWCS (American Women's Club Shanghai) list of events/classes (and I am not kidding):

 

-Sushi Making Class - Hand Rolls

-Pearl Necklaces - Beginners

-Flower Arrangement Workshop

-Elegant Evening Make-up

-Ladies Night Out

-Shanghai Museum Tour-Chinese Bronze Arts 

-Chinese Knots for Gift Wrapping

-Shanghai Shopping Tour

-Knitting/Crocheting for Charity

-Color Analysis

 

I don't mean to disparage the fun of these creative ventures - I have been known to take a hula class during Hawaii vacations - but a steady diet of this stuff is more than any woman could take without losing her mind (Martha Stewart's of the world excepted).

 

Before we came to Shanghai, Jeff and I received 8 hours of cultural orientation. Prior to the orientation we were each asked to complete a questionnaire. I don't know what Jeff's questionnaire asked, but I am fairly certain it was different from mine. My questionnaire posed the following:

• How do you currently spend your leisure time?
• What do you plan to do with your time while in Shanghai?
• Do you have specific hobbies/interests which you intend to pursue?
• What are your expectations of your move to Shanghai?

There were many more questions, but they were along the same lines. I inferred that the questions were designed to get the trailing spouse thinking and planning what to do to make the experience fulfilling for her. After all, it is by and large the wife that is the wild card on whether or not the international assignment is a successful one. The husband (sorry to sound so sexist in the blog, but this really is all I see here) is buried in his work, the kids are consumed by school, and the wife/mom is left to figure out how to navigate the daily routines without feeling too isolated and purposeless.

I was fortunate to have a healthy list of "things I want to do while in Shanghai" and did not feel as though I had lost myself. Even so, our shipment and hence the start of my professional life in Shanghai, came right about the time I was feeling like "Really? This is it?"

Back home, even though I knew a lot of women whose husbands worked many hours, I didn't know anyone whose husband worked like Jeff does. Over here, they all do. Only many of the women are adjusting to that kind of absence for the first time. I am so used to it, it is a non-event. Another reason to feel fortunate. 

 

What I am learning is that this community of women are a wealth of information. Recently, I was at a soccer practice and sitting nearby was an Austrailian woman. We partook in the standard exchange of information: Where are you from? How long have you been in Shanghai? Is this your first expat assignment? Where are your kids in school? Where have you traveled thus far?    All this before we exchange names, if we ever exchange names.  I told my Aussie acquaintance that we were planning on going to Cambodia and/or Vietnam over the Xmas break and were still ironing out the itinerary. Aussie had just been to Cambodia and so proceeded to talk, for 45 minutes straight with nary a prompt from me, about the details of her trip.  This, too, is common. Not the subject matter, but the taitai who is seemingly so starved for conversation that she goes on and on. And while I sat there smiling and nodding, I had to remind myself that this was indeed very good information she was giving me.

 

Lonely Planet Guides are great to have as a reference, but I don't plan to take any Asian trips without getting the skinny from my fellow expat wives.

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